Terracotta Warriors
Whilst digging the vegetable patch yesterday I unearthed 8,000 life-sized terracotta warriors. With all that clay in the soil it’s no wonder the tomatoes have been struggling.
I now have the tricky problem of what to do with them all. It would cost a fortune to get the council to take them to the tip. If only I’d found them a month ago I could have smashed them all up and laid a new patio, but I’ve already done crazy paving.
I know I should tell the archaeology people, but I don’t want that little twit Tony Robinson pitching up and digging trenches all over the lawn:
Tony: “Exciting news, we’ve found a fragment of a clay pipe.”
Me: “Great. When are you going to rebuild my extension?”
Plan ‘A’ is to smuggle the warriors, one-by-one, into the Leyton Orient football ground to swell the crowd and intimidate the opposition. Alternatively I might just donate them to the old China stall at the village fete.