Pilot Required For Home Made Space Ship
I’m putting the finishing touches to the space ship. A row of pretty LEDs light up when the wings fall off. They won’t help the missing wing situation, but hopefully the pilot will find them calming.
Speaking of which, finding a pilot is proving to be quite a challenge. I need to find a very special person; someone with a sense of adventure, self-discipline and no fear of danger… so I’ve placed an advert in the Angling Times:
“Loner required for space mission to discover alien life. Beard optional. Bring packed lunch. Chances of survival: slim.”
If I was being completely honest I would have written ‘chances of survival: zero’, as I haven’t bothered to make the ship air tight and the ‘heat resistant re-entry panels’ came from a floor tile sale down at the local B&Q, but I find you can be too honest sometimes.
Pilot candidates will go through a rigorous training programme to make sure they have all the skills they need for this most demanding of missions. The intensive programme will include slow motion moving (like in the movies) and holding your breath for three weeks (it’s a five week mission, but there’s only enough air for a fortnight).
If the weather holds out I plan for a launch to coincide with the Leyton Orient clash with Bristol Rovers. One way or another it’s going to be a very special day.
I feel well qualified to be your pilot. Have many degrees in Breath
Holding, Plus a Doctorate in Pantyhose, (I won a charm contest for this,
1st place.) Have NO fear of danger at all. My Mum also says I was the
slowest Twit she ever had the misfortune to breed, I'm the last of 13.5
siblings. Mum was 79 when I was dropped. As for the beard, well I've got a
beauty, after many hair transplants, it's a full faced job, mind you I am
completely bald and my Balls get chilled very easily. People do tend to say
I sometimes have a bad attack of Blue chin. I'm ready to go, just call.