Ashmash
I've Got The Blues
posted Saturday, 6 October 2007
I treated myself to a new G-string yesterday. It’s good to have a back up just in case the one you’re using snaps. As I went to leave the guitar shop I spied a Fender just like the one Hendrix used to play. Foolishly I asked to try it out.
Hairy Music Dude asked me what style I play. I should have said, “Oh I’m really only starting out. I haven’t got the hang of it yet”. But, flattered by the suggestion that I might actually be a guitarist, I fell into character, shrugging nonchalantly and claiming, “I just like to see where the music takes me, man”.
I knew I was doomed. Hairy Music Dude now presumed I was some sort of blues legend. The truth is that last week I nearly took my eye out when I flicked a plectrum into my own face and almost broke my wrist attempting to play an F. I knew I’d be rumbled as soon as I started strumming. There was only one thing for it: I had to go Total Blues.
“I play blindfold!” I declared, tying a scarf round my face, “and take three of these strings off. I play it pure.” Then I started hammering away like a man possessed whilst belting out a stream of blues inspired lyrics covering all the obligatory themes: boozing, brawling, trains, women and figure skating. My performance lasted six hours.
When finally I ran out of steam, I put the guitar down and untied the scarf to find that I was alone, the lights were off and the shop was closed. Hairy Music Dude had stuck a post-it note to my forehead. It said: ‘You’re shit’. I wrote one back. It said: ‘Your guitar is out of tune and you need a haircut’, and I left with my pride intact.
Hairy Music Dude asked me what style I play. I should have said, “Oh I’m really only starting out. I haven’t got the hang of it yet”. But, flattered by the suggestion that I might actually be a guitarist, I fell into character, shrugging nonchalantly and claiming, “I just like to see where the music takes me, man”.
I knew I was doomed. Hairy Music Dude now presumed I was some sort of blues legend. The truth is that last week I nearly took my eye out when I flicked a plectrum into my own face and almost broke my wrist attempting to play an F. I knew I’d be rumbled as soon as I started strumming. There was only one thing for it: I had to go Total Blues.
“I play blindfold!” I declared, tying a scarf round my face, “and take three of these strings off. I play it pure.” Then I started hammering away like a man possessed whilst belting out a stream of blues inspired lyrics covering all the obligatory themes: boozing, brawling, trains, women and figure skating. My performance lasted six hours.
When finally I ran out of steam, I put the guitar down and untied the scarf to find that I was alone, the lights were off and the shop was closed. Hairy Music Dude had stuck a post-it note to my forehead. It said: ‘You’re shit’. I wrote one back. It said: ‘Your guitar is out of tune and you need a haircut’, and I left with my pride intact.
comments (2)
1. Undeniably Me left...
Sunday, 7 October 2007 4:13 pm :: http://undeniably-me.blog-city.com/
I read the first two sentences then started to laugh. I thought you were
talking about your underpants!!! Still, imagining a flying plectrum is
just as funny. By the way, I'm not a bloke, at least I wasn't the last
time I looked :-)
Yeah, we've all been there...