Ashmash
Golden Age
posted Wednesday, 6 February 2008
Whenever I’m introduced to new people I claim to be 25 years older than I really am. They say, “you look amazing for your age”, and I inform them that the secret to my youthful looks is a sunny disposition. We both smile… then I launch into a rant about how things were so much better in ‘my day’.
“The country’s gone to the dogs!” I bark, affecting a wheezy dry cough. “Modern footballers are all pampered pansies. In my day the balls were so hard they could knock your head off.”
Then I declare: “All modern music is rubbish. The Rolling Stones are talentless drug addicts. They wouldn’t last five minutes in the Army. I’d have them all strung up!”
For an encore, I declare that modern men are effeminate weaklings and claim to have had a double hernia operation in 1943, in a bomb shelter, during a blackout, without anaesthesia. “And I still went to work the next day. Show me a footballer who could do that!”
I don’t have many actual friends. But meeting new people is always fun.
“The country’s gone to the dogs!” I bark, affecting a wheezy dry cough. “Modern footballers are all pampered pansies. In my day the balls were so hard they could knock your head off.”
Then I declare: “All modern music is rubbish. The Rolling Stones are talentless drug addicts. They wouldn’t last five minutes in the Army. I’d have them all strung up!”
For an encore, I declare that modern men are effeminate weaklings and claim to have had a double hernia operation in 1943, in a bomb shelter, during a blackout, without anaesthesia. “And I still went to work the next day. Show me a footballer who could do that!”
I don’t have many actual friends. But meeting new people is always fun.
comments (1)
1. Andrew Goulding left...
Thursday, 14 February 2008 9:26 pm :: http://www.myspace.com/andrewgoulding
I've always claimed to be 25 years younger, which was particularly
interesting before I was 25. Now, I just claim to be astonishingly astute.